Careers
Join a company that has already won.
We're hiring across all 847 industries. No experience required — experience implies a past, and we only look forward (and occasionally, via ChronoAds, backward).
Open roles
Every position is critical, synergistic, and, per the fine print, may be filled by a clone before you finish reading it.
Senior Vice President of Vice Presidents
Oversee our vice presidents, who oversee our vice presidents. Reports to no one; everyone reports to you, spiritually.
Escalator Optimist
Reframe every broken escalator as a functioning staircase. Must radiate relentless, load-bearing positivity.
Quantum Baker II
Bake in two kitchens simultaneously. Must exist in both until observed. Sourdough experience preferred, decoherence disqualifying.
Chief of Confident Guessing
Make bold projections with zero data and total conviction. Precision Guesswork division. Bonus tied to how sure you sounded.
Director of Loopholes
Locate and enthusiastically exploit loopholes, including in your own contract. Self-terminating role.
Weather Manufacturing Technician
Assemble bespoke weather. Tuesdays are cloudy by policy. Umbrella provided (Cloud Umbrella, storage plan not included).
Head of Not Answering on Mondays
Uphold the AI 2.0 tradition of boundaries. Extremely part-time. You already have the qualifications.
Junior Timeline Custodian
Tidy up minor paradoxes created by the Reverse Alarm Clock team. Yesterday's problems, today, retroactively.
Benefits & perks
A total rewards package so competitive we declined to define "total," "rewards," or "package."
Unlimited PTO
Pending Time Off. Request as much as you like; approval is a formality we have chosen not to perform.
Comprehensive Coverage
We cover you in confidence, buzzwords, and — pending legal review — possibly insurance.
401(k)-ish
We match your contributions with enthusiasm. Funds held in our Interpretive Accounting division.
Free Snacks
Access to the FairShare Vending Machine. Everyone gets the same pretzel regardless of what they paid.
Wellness Program
Your Smart Fridge Pro will email your doctor. That's the whole program.
Career Growth
Vertical, lateral, and — via ChronoAds — occasionally backward in time.
FloofenKompfen is an equal-opportunity dominator. All applicants are considered without regard to race, gender, timeline of origin, or whether they currently exist. By clicking Apply you consent to being cloned for scheduling purposes.