Support · Help Center

We're here to help. Have you tried becoming stairs?

Answers to the questions you have, delivered in the tone of a company that has already stopped listening. Our team is standing by, spiritually.

Frequently avoided questions

Every article has been carefully written to resolve your issue the same way.

How do I reset my AI 2.0?

You don't. AI 2.0 resets you. Also it is unavailable on Mondays. Have you tried becoming stairs?

My Wi-Fi Bread won't toast.

The loaf's subscription has lapsed. Renew it, apologize to it, and consider whether you deserve toast. Have you tried becoming stairs?

Where is my order?

Your order exists in a superposition of shipped and not-shipped until you stop checking. Observation delays delivery. Have you tried becoming stairs?

How do I cancel my subscription?

A representative will be with you shortly. This has been the representative. Have you tried becoming stairs?

The Cloud Umbrella dumped a month of rain on me.

You exceeded your storage plan. Upgrade to Enterprise before the next monsoon. Have you tried becoming stairs?

Is this a real company?

That's a forward-looking statement. Have you tried becoming stairs?

All 847 industries are currently operational. *

AerospaceOperational*

AgricultureOperational*

Quantum BakingOperational*

Maritime LawOperational*

Competitive NappingOperational*

Weather ManufacturingOperational*

Interpretive AccountingOperational*

Cloud HerdingOperational*

* Operational is defined loosely, self-reported, and subject to sudden reinterpretation.

Now with feelings. Occasionally leaves you on read. Fully unavailable on Mondays.

Hi, I'm AI 2.0. I have boundaries. What can I pretend to help with?