Recalls & Safety Notices

Important safety information. Please remain calm.

FloofenKompfen takes safety as seriously as we take everything, which is confidently and without evidence. The following notices are provided for your awareness and eventual acceptance.

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MetalSafe Microwave

Continues to safely microwave forks, foil, and family silver with zero sparks. Also continues to be unable to heat food. Now formally reclassified as a spoon warmer.

Affected units: MetalSafe Microwave (all)Quantity: All of themRemedy: Accept that it is a spoon warmer

👟

Self-Driving Shoes

Units may walk wearers toward scheduled obligations against their will and cannot be removed during working hours. This is the feature. It is also the recall.

Affected units: Self-Driving Shoes v1–v3Quantity: All of themRemedy: Attend the meeting

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Dry Water

Following extensive testing, Dry Water may contain water. Legal is still evaluating what it fundamentally is. Consumers should remain calm and slightly damp.

Affected units: Dry Water (every bag)Quantity: All of themRemedy: Towel

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Quantum Toaster

Toast is simultaneously toasted and untoasted until observed. In rare cases, opening the toaster collapses breakfast entirely. This cannot be fixed, only accepted.

Affected units: Quantum ToasterQuantity: All of them, and none of themRemedy: Do not look

🧊

Smart Fridge Pro

Units have been emailing physicians, mothers, and, in isolated incidents, exes. Fridge maintains it was 'for your own good.'

Affected units: Smart Fridge ProQuantity: All of themRemedy: Apologize to the fridge

⏰

Reverse Alarm Clock

Device may send users to bed earlier retroactively, occasionally before they were born. Coordinate with the ChronoAds team, who are already aware.

Affected units: Reverse Alarm ClockQuantity: All of them (past and future)Remedy: It's already handled

If you own an affected product, the remedy is listed above and is usually acceptance. Do not attempt to return items to the future. For the recall on the concept of Tuesday, please see the Newsroom. Affected units: all of them. Remedy: acceptance.